Let me drive my van into your heart: pearl

Hola,
I kinda want to do another ship-based post, I am working on commentary for the episode "Gem Glow", but I'm having major feels for this ship and need to make a post about it. The ship is:

Pearl and Rose Quartz

I would text my girlfriend and I'd be like, "Pearl is so f-ing thirsty, babe". Pearl is jealous when Garnet fuses with Amethyst, Pearl is jealous when Garnet wants to fuse with Amethyst over her even if there's a logical reason for it, even if it's the best option, she's desperate to fuse to "feel strong for once". Pearl is jealous of Rose Quartz and Greg's relationship, Pearl re-build the communications system just so she could fuse with Garnet over and over again even if it meant they were wasting time when they could have actually been trying to track Peridot and dismantling the real threat. In other words: thirsty af. In the Steven Universe fandom Pearl is known as "the salty one", meaning bitter.

But I like Pearl. I took a Buzzfeed quiz a couple weeks ago (I'll put the link at the bottom) for which Steven Universe character I am, and I got Pearl. I can relate to her. Some cool info about Pearl which we don't learn until the second season is that on Homeworld Pearls are kind of like servants or slaves, they are "own". For example, Yellow Diamond's pearl belongs to Yellow Diamond and is a secretary of sorts and a high ranking pearl. Pearls are treated as objects for their beauty or production, and aren't respected for who they are as individuals. They are seen as servants who should follow orders and not think for themselves.

But Crystal Gem Pearl rebelled against that when she decided to fight alongside Rose Quartz in the rebellion to save the planet earth. She doesn't belong to anyone. In "Message Received" Pearl made a comment, saying, "Not all Pearls know each other", I think Pearl can represent ethnic minorities and their relationship to ethnic majorities. She definitely can represent a people who is oppressed and undervalued because she herself, and "her kind" are not seen as actual gems who are valued for their strengths, but are valued for how well they serve the needs of other people.

(In the episode "Back to the Barn", Peridot, a Homeworld Gem, treats Pearl like a servant, which is normal in her social world)

Peridot: So, who do you belong to anyway?

Pearl: NOBODY!

Peridot: Then what are you for?

Pearl: Now listen here you tiny twerp, in case you forgotten you're on our terf now, and I didn't fight a thousand year war for this planet's independence to take orders from the likes of you!

Peridot: Excuse me, I am a natural technician and a certified kindergartner, I was made for this, you were made to take orders NOT to give them

In "Sworn to the Swords" there's a lot to learn about Pearl's relationship with herself and also with Rose, which is what I really wanted to talk about. She sings a song called "Do it for her" sung during a training montage in the Ancient Sky Arena where she trains Connie how to become a master sword fighter so Connie can protect Steven and fight with him. Instilling in Connie the same devotion to Steven that Pearl had for Rose Quartz.

You do it for him
And you would do it again
You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him
Keep your stance wide, keep your body lowered, and as your moving forward
Balance is the key
Right foot, left foot, now go even faster, and as you're moving backwards
Keep your eyes on me.....
Yes, put your whole body into it! Everything you have, everything you are
You've got to give--
On the battlefield, when everything is chaos
And you have nothing but the way you feel, your strategy and a sword
You just think about the life you'll have together after the war
And then you do it for her, that's how you know you can win,
You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him
Deep down you know, you weren't built for fighting
But that doesn't mean you're not prepared to try
What they don't know is your real advantage, when you live for someone
You're prepared to die

The thing with Pearl is that even she sometimes bases her value and her purpose in life on how well she serves other people. You could say she is the type of person who bases her value on how well she makes other people happy. Her instinctual drive is not to live for herself, but to live for someone else, or a cause, or a family. Losing Rose Quartz might have been hard on everyone, but it was especially hard for Pearl.

Pearl was with Rose Quartz before Garnet or Amethyst, and it can be theorized that Pearl was Rose Quartz's unofficial Pearl. Meaning that Rose Quartz didn't force or make Pearl serve her, but to Pearl, who was built for serving, her love for Rose Quartz morphed into that, and maybe that's the only way that Pearl knows how to love, to give her self 100% to the person she loves and to serve them, "everything you have, everything you are, you've got to give--" and "deep down, you know, you weren't built for fighting, but that doesn't mean you're not prepared to try, what they don't know is your real advantage, when you live for someone you're prepared to die" from the song "Do it for her" shows this . I feel that way as well, which is maybe why I relate to Pearl so much.

On to Rose Quartz. To be honest, I don't really like Rose that much. She's just a weird character to me, I don't feel like she's that good of a mother or a leader. She is definitely flawed, I mean all the characters have their flaws, which I think is amazing writing, but the way she is flawed doesn't exactly sit right with me. I think it's awesome that she would rebel against her entire kind to save earth and humans, I think that's admirable. However, in a way, she too desperately wants to be something she isn't, and that's human. She gave up her form so she could experience child birth, she likes Greg because he's a human probably more than for who he is, which makes her somehow more entitled than him like she's with him out of curiosity or some inflated sense of self-superiority. It's almost like she's appropriating without truly respecting the human culture. She comes in and starts to say how awesome everything is in a condescending way that I feel like British missionaries did when they went to north African indigenous villages to try and convert the natives. Like, "oh your art is really cool but at the same time it's not as sophisticated as ours is back home". She rubs me the wrong way. Which is why I talked more about Pearl because I actually really like Pearl.

"Rose made me feel like I was everything"

-Pearl

I love how devoted Pearl was to Rose, and how Rose made Pearl realize that she is more than just someone's beautiful servant or shiny jewelry to wear and make them feel good. Rose showed Pearl another way of being, she can make her own happiness. Pearl still has a lower self-esteem, however, because unlike Garnet or Amethyst, Pearl does care about what other people think. She gets jealous easily, like when Garnet and Amethyst fused and Steven was mesmerized by Sugilites strength and power.

Pearl, in response, sang, "Strong in the Real way"

Why do you have to look up to her?
Aside from in a literal sense.
Dont'cha know that a power that big
Comes with a bigger expense?
And can't you see that she's out of control
And overzealous?
I'm telling you for your own good,
And not because I'm-- (Pearl doesn't say jealous)
I could show you how to be strong...
In the real way.
And I know that we can be strong
In the real way.
And I want to inspire you
I want to be your rock
And when I talk
It lights a fire in you

I think that alot of Pearl's insecurities can be traced back to the fact that she was made to please other people, to be the best, a Pearl from Homeworld becomes a highly respected gem when they are the best servers, the best pleasers, the best at doing what other people want and expect them to do. They aren't respected just for being a Pearl or a gem the same way other gems are. She frequently has to prove herself. I think that Pearl wants to be liked and appreciated simply for who she is and not what her gem is, and especially not just what she does for other people. So it must have been pretty crappy when Rose, after thousands of years with her, after helping Rose defeat the Homeworld gems in the Rebellion, falls in love with Greg over her. Maybe the song "Strong in the real way" could also show Pearl's feelings to Rose, that she wanted to "inspire" Rose, and wanted "to be [her] rock, and when [she] talks it lights a fire in [Rose]". But Rose was always more interested in humans.

The sweet thing is that Pearl is still supportive, if somewhat begrudgingly, of Rose and Greg's relationship. I can imagine it was extremely difficult though. And I can understand why Pearl would be bitter and angry, I mean, she always does everything for everyone else right down to her core and her being, she would change who she is entirely if it made the person she loves happy (in a sense she did), and she still isn't the one that Rose chose, or who Rose's son, Steven, chose when in comparison to Sugilite. Maybe that's another reason I dislike Rose.

In the episode, "We need to talk", during the song "What can I do for you" video recorded and sung by Greg Universe with Rose and the band of Garnet and Amethyst, Pearl went on stage during Greg's electric guitar solo, whispered in Rose's ear, and the two preformed the fusion dance and became Rainbow Quartz. Rose told Greg that Pearl mentioned a fusion might "help in Greg's video", but the look Pearl gave Greg afterwards pretty much summed up the real reason, which was to make Greg jealous. It fell in line with Pearl's opinion that the only reason Rose liked Greg was because he was a human, and humans can't fuse with gems, (that is, until Steven, who is a half-gem and half-human hybrid fused with Connie, who is a human. But until that happened, gem to human fusion was unheard of).

(Pearl tries to show Rose that she is better than Greg)

So even though all the crystal gems love Steven absolutely, especially Garnet who calls herself Mom Universe, there's an element of deep bittersweet-ness when it comes to Pearl. Sweetness because she gained Steven, who in a sense became her son along with Greg and the Crystal Gems who banded together to all raise him, but deep grief because Pearl lost Rose,

Garnet is Steven's protector but Pearl was always the mother who wanted to instil in him values and a love for himself, she wanted him to be "strong in the real way" and inspire him as well. She wants to be a good mother, she wants him to think she is a good mother, just like she wanted Rose to think she was a good partner.

In a sense, Pearl and Steven have a connection that none of the other crystal gems have. Pearl, arguably, loved Rose the most and Steven never met his mother. In the episode "Rose's Scabbard" this relationship is explored and is ultimately very heart-breaking.